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GUIDELINES FOR FIGHTING FAIR 1. Fight by mutual consent: Don't insist on a fight at a time when one of you can't handle this type of strain. A good fight demands two ready participants. 2. Stick to the present: Don't dredge up past mistakes and faults about which you can do nothing. 3. Stick to the subject: Limit this fight to this subject. Don't throw every other problem into it; take them at a different time. 4. Don't hit below the belt: In your lives together you discover each other's sensitive areas. Don't throw them at each other. 5. Don't quit; work it out: Bring the fight to a mutual conclusion. Otherwise, it will just recur again and again. One or both may need a time out to cool down, but do work it out. 6. Don't try to win, EVER: You actually lose by winning. If one wins, the other loses and begins to build resentment about this relationship. That destroys rather than builds the relationship. 7. Respect crying: It is a valid response to how we feel, but don't let crying sidetrack you. It is a response for men as well as women. 8. No name calling: Saying things you'll only regret later cause bitter feelings and do nothing to solve problems. 9. No violence: Physical violence violates all of the above rules for fighting by mutual consent. Remember, a fight between a couple has the purpose of clearing the air and expressing deep feelings in order to build a more unified life. Keep your goal in mind--the goal of sharing your lives with each other.
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